“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
(Psalm 31:18 NIV)
I wrote this a few months ago, but I find myself struggling with these skills today so I felt led to post it. I pray you find it healing and helpful.
Another therapy appointment spent crying. At least I’m finally able to cry. For so long I couldn’t even cry I was so disassociated and in denial about what was done to me. Now, I just cry. However, today I was crying because my therapist didn’t understand me. He didn’t get it. I thought.
Ever since this nightmare began I have had friends leave me, and people come into my life and then out of my life. Now I know part of the reason why. I do not know how to have a good relationship.
What happened to me caused me to not develop the needed skills and abilities to do the give and take of a relationship. To understand where the other person is coming from and realize they can’t read my mind.
Like today, when I wanted my therapist to say something he had no clue I expected from him. He didn’t know I needed it from him because I didn’t tell him.
Communication. Not my strong point. Sure I can write things down and communicate on paper. Put me with people, and I’m lost. Broken.
Do you ever find yourself struggling with relationships? I pray you have found a good therapist to walk you through what it looks like to change. To work through what happened to you. To work towards healing.
God provided my therapist to be there for me today to walk me through what it looks like to understand another person. He let me cry it out. He didn’t place blame. He let God work through him and let God work on me. It was only one more step in this process, but it was a step.
Let God work on you. He wants to. He can and He will. Step by step. Time after time. He will begin to heal the brokenness.
Sometimes I feel so broken that I’m not fixable. I know you are the ultimate craftsman. You can put back together anything and everything in your time. Please allow me to let you work in my life. Step by step, leading me through this healing process.
© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.