Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31 NIV
Anxiety. One word which can cause great chaos in life. Being a survivor of sexual assault you most likely have anxiety over something, if not many things in life.
Personally, I struggle with it all day long. From the moment I wake up until I finally fall asleep at night.
God’s word says many things about worry and casting our cares on Him, and the church will tell you the same thing. However, if you have experienced severe trauma, anxiety can become a normal part of your life quickly.
I can’t remember not being anxious. As a child I know I had anxiety over many things, and as a teenager, through college, and into my teaching career.
I’m not talking about getting a little anxious for a test. I’m talking about you’re so anxious you end up in the bathroom sick, or feel like it. Anxiety which comes from lack of a safe environment, or people who couldn’t be trusted.
This anxiety comes from trauma like sexual assault and abuse. It begins to feed off our world and if we allow it to, it can overcome our lives.
I take medication for my anxiety and I still struggle. I asked my trauma therapist how do I get to the point where I can trust God enough to not be anxious about things to come. He told me it takes time and practice. The longer the anxiety has existed, the longer the time and practice it will take.
I had many anxieties coming into this week. Anxieties over people, appointments, weather, if timing would work out on certain days, and many other things which would not cause most people anxiety.
However, so far God has seen me through each one without a problem. He has taken my concern and made it unfounded. He has shown me I can trust Him. Yet I still have anxiety and question things to come.
It has built my confidence in God some, but not where I wish it could be right now. I want this anxiety out of my life, but God wants me to learn as I watch Him work it out.
A peaceful thought came to me the other day. I am longing for flowers and green grass during this dreary winter, and while thinking about them God reminded me He made every petal on every flower and every single blade of grass.
Every. Single. One. Ever.
He cares so much for us that He also knows the number of each hair on our heads. “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31 NIV
God created this entire universe in 6 days. He created each and every little detail, from every animal we don’t know about, to the tiniest flower we can’t see in the fields. He created each human being different, and He stuck around to care for it all, but especially for us.
He created man to have a relationship with Him. Man broke the relationship with sin and this is where evil comes into this world, and why we are suffering the effects of trauma from our abuse.
However, God has never left us. He has despised things done to us, but He has always been with us. He is still with us today, and He longs for us to trust Him with every little detail. To give Him our anxiety. To allow Him to show us He is big enough to handle it.
This is the part I find incredibly difficult. The human in me wants control. I think I can somehow do better if I have control, but it just makes me more anxious. So, I must learn to trust God with my anxiety.
God understands those of us with severe trauma can’t just simply choose to follow the verses, “Cast all your anxiety on Him.” 1 Peter 5:7 or “Do not be anxious about anything.” Philippians 4:6. He knows we have deep issues which cause our anxiety. However, He longs to help us with these issues.
First, second by second, then, minute by minute, hour by hour, and finally, day by day.
One day we will allow ourselves to be completely enveloped in the arms of Jesus.
We will have no more anxiety because He will have control.
I long for the day this will happen. I pray I can continue to trust Him. Will you join me?
I am so tired of always being anxious. I long for You to have complete control over my life. Please help me release control to You and to trust in You more. I know it is a slow process and You will be patient with me. Please give me the strength to endure this anxiety, and please take what anxiety You can from me right now.
© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.