“This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’” Matthew 6:9-13 NIV
I have been told there are no unanswered prayers, just prayers which receive a different answer than which we want. I’m not sure which I believe right now. There are things for which I have been praying. I believe they are things which God would want for me, and yet He’s not providing.
I am not a big fan of Facebook or social media. Especially not of messenger and not of texting. It’s just too impersonal. In a world where technology has taken over our world I feel we have become less connected to people around us.
It becomes easy to let our guards down when typing something into a little box. Things get said, misinterpreted, and people get hurt.
Realizing as I say this it would not even be possible without technology for me to reach you through this blog, there are some positives about technology. Just not the one on one communication. It leaves me lonelier than ever.
Where someone once would have had to pick up a phone to call and ask how I am doing or even send a card or a letter, now it’s a simple text saying “Whas Up?” I don’t get to hear a voice, talk to the person, or see the person. I can even respond with one word. “Nothing.” Then there’s silence and the “conversation”, if you can call it that, is over.
Texts and messages have been sent to people from me, calls made and messages left, cards sent and no replies. People tell me it’s our day and age, but I take it personally. It leaves me more alone and longing for the hug I haven’t had in so long I’ve lost count how many months it’s been…
It’s how I feel with God right now. I’ve sent a lot of messages His way and He’s not answering. I keep asking and nothing happens. I don’t know why. I feel I’ve offended Him. I feel guilty for my sins and ask for forgiveness over and over.
I feel shame. I take on everything nasty because that’s what sexual assault survivors do. We learned early on to take on guilt and shame for things we can’t control.
Then, I think about how Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9-13 NIV:
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’”
“Your kingdom come, your will be done.” Hmm. It makes me wonder if I’m praying my will or God’s will. I know what I WANT. I know what I’m not getting. Yet, God knows the big picture. We are not made to understand it.
I realize it doesn’t mean I have to give up praying what I am praying for, but I do need to realize my prayers aren’t really going unanswered. Either the answer hasn’t come yet, the answer was no, or it’s…wait.
This journey to recovery is already long enough without having to wait more. It frustrates me, I won’t deny it. However, I can fight it, or I can let God be God.
One leads to more struggling, and one leads to peace.
Which one will we choose?
It is hard when I don’t get answers to my prayers. I don’t understand what you are doing and why you don’t want what I think are good things for me. Please help me realize you are in control and are listening even when I feel you aren’t. Help me know I’m not alone and learn to trust you as the ultimate guide.
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