“Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” Psalm 105:4
I’ve written about trust before. I even mentioned the song, “Jesus Take the Wheel”. If you haven’t listened to it. Take a listen. Jesus Take the Wheel.
What Carrie Underwood sings about, “Save me from this road I’m on…Jesus Take the Wheel.” It’s exactly where I’m at right now. I’m on a road which is beyond bumpy and complete with curves and sharp turns. There is no way I can maneuver this road on my own, but I’ve been trying.
Trying because I don’t know how to trust. My bucket is full, as my therapist put it today. He showed me a video explaining how our senses and bodies, and our brains detect danger. How we deal with stress, pressure, and trauma.
Normally, when our “buckets”, or brains and bodies, start to fill with these things they find a way to decompress. Such as during sleep at night, or during a therapy session. However, when there is so much trauma, so much stress, filling our “buckets” there is just no room left over.
Which is where I am right now. No room left over for anything else. You may feel the same way. It is one of the biggest reasons we find it hard to trust. We simply don’t have room to learn “how” to trust. We are full.
Until we can release some of what is filling our “buckets”, some of what happened to us when we were abused or assaulted, we just won’t have room to learn this skill. We were taught to be wary because of what was done to us.
It is how we are made. It isn’t our fault and God doesn’t blame us. He understands what is happening. If we are praying to Him to try and trust Him He knows our hearts, but He understands why it won’t happen yet.
I have no idea what the future holds. None of us do. I’m sure you long to know things will be okay just as much as I do. So, people tell us to “trust God”. I’ve even written about it on my blog and I still am not able to do it.
Until we can “empty” part of our trauma, and make room to learn this new skill, we can only pray to God to help us learn to trust Him. Pray and believe one day we’ll be able to. One day maybe we’ll be able to trust other people too.
I pray Jesus takes the wheel, because this road is beyond my control. God knows it, I have to believe He does. It’s what gets me through each day. Trust…well, that will just have to come when it comes.
I long to trust You, but you understand what I’m going through and how much is inside of me. I am overwhelmed and burdened by this trauma and need your help. Please lead down a road to trust You someday.
Ideas to help “empty the bucket”
- Write down verses to help you when you feel the most down and wonder who cares. Start with Matthew 6:28-30 NIV. “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you.”
You can journal in Restoring the Soul Journal: For Encouragement and Hope
© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.