“In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.” Psalm 29:1 NIV
I have struggled lately to “feel” God. I know we will not always “feel” like He is with us. Yet, as humans we need the feeling to help us not believe we are alone. To know we are not forgotten.
Being sexually assaulted leaves wounds which take so much time to heal and the journey is hard and long. It is one in which I have felt God has many times left me. Yet, I know He hasn’t, but I “feel” like He did.
Yet, we can’t base our faith on feelings. If we did we would end up with no faith at all. Satan relishes in the fact we do this many times in our lives. We rely on our feelings of God instead of the truth.
This past week I have struggled with connecting to God, or so I thought. I would lay in bed at night and feel anxious, no peace. I would call out to God and think I would not receive an answer.
I went throughout each day wondering when God was going to show up. Where He was hiding and why? What sin had I committed? What had I don’t wrong?
The answer I discovered, was nothing. Yes, I sinned. We all sin every day. It’s why Jesus died for us, but it’s not what was keeping God from me. “I” was keeping God from myself.
I chose to believe He left me down here on earth on my own to deal with my problems, trauma, eating disorder, and all life has thrown at me, on my own. He did not.
I simply misplaced my trust. I began trusting in myself to get through each day and night. I did not believe God was going to get me through. Yet, He was getting me through. He never left me.
Believing Satan’s lies I became hopeless and distraught, anxious and overwhelmed. When what I needed to do was put my trust in the One who knows how to take care of me. God.
Like Psalm 29:1 says, “In you, Lord my God, I put my trust.”
I simply was not placing my trust in the right place. It has nothing to do with feelings. Sometimes we will “feel” God with us, and other times we won’t. It doesn’t mean He isn’t right there with us.
God isn’t a feeling, He is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. He is the beginning and the end. He is light. He is Elohay, strength and power. He is Adonai, our Master. He is God.
The all-knowing, all being, all mighty, God. He is trustworthy. Whether we can feel Him or not.
I know it is much harder to trust without seeing or feeling. We are made for these senses, but that is what is so amazing about trusting God. He is the only One who is truly deserving of our complete trust.
There is no human on earth who will not let us down, but God will come through for us. Maybe not in the way we want, but in the way He knows is best for us.
Trust can be one of the hardest steps to take. Especially without the feeling, and I definitely don’t “feel” God right now.
When I can’t feel You I wonder where You are. Please help me to trust You even when I can’t feel You. Guide me on this journey to recovery.
Write out your prayer to God asking Him to help you trust.
© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.