“I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” Psalm 91:2
I was on the couch crying when the phone rang. “Hello?” The conversation which followed dried my tears and lifted my spirit. I did not expect the call. My appointment with this psychiatrist was supposed to be in October, today was August 21.
When making the appointment they told me “It’s rare we have a cancellation, but we can put you on our list.” I agreed, but never imagined. However, today, God answered leaving me no time, or hardly any, to worry.
They called at 2:30pm and my appointment was for 9:00am tomorrow. He knows my heart and mind still tried their best to bring out the fear about it all.
For encouragement I opened my Bible app on my phone. Hebrews 10:35 awaited me. “So do not throw away your confidence, for it will be richly rewarded.”
For 6 long weeks I have been praying for God to provide. Praying “Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, but in ALL your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make my paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Not leaning on my own understanding because what psychiatrist will see me with my history, take me on, support me without medication changes, and sign disability paperwork – which is due soon – all in the first appointment?
PLUS, I have to survive rush hour traffic and I am not confident at driving in traffic. It makes me even more nervous.
Yes, God would have to provide because in my own understanding how could it work out. Only by God.
Everything you just read I wrote yesterday – the day before my appointment today. Even with the concerns, and questions I was confident this was ordained by God and He would provide and I would be writing this post today.
So, today as I drove onto 435 and glanced ahead at the mass of traffic I did not panic. God had me. He was walking through this with me. He had not brought me this far to let me go now.
While reading my devotion and Bible this morning God reminded me to trust Him, “I will say of the Lord ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.’” Psalm 91:2. Then, also, His ability to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. (Ephesians 3:20-21)
I arrived at the appointment in plenty of time and the receptionist was nice. I was too nervous to read so I just sat there and alternatively prayed and ran through conversations with the psychiatrist in my head. The praying was more helpful than the other.
When she called me back she immediately put me at ease with her calm, yet confident demeanor. Caring, but professional. One by one all of my concerns were put to rest. It was like she had a list of them and was checking them off for me.
More like God had the list and checked them off for me, because each of my concerns was addressed and became nothing more than normal.
She understood where I am at, why I need disability right now, my long term goal to work in therapy and get off of disability one day, the need to work off some more of my medication once withdrawal is under control.
I had my list of answers and information I knew I needed to share with her ready because thinking on my feet is hard. I was prepared. I had given her a very extensive history with my paperwork, and a letter from my therapist.
All of this helped her know about me and the big picture. God used all of these. He made sure I knew what she needed to have to make the appointment smooth.
She signed the disability paperwork. Let me know I could contact her anytime I needed and how she would get back to me. We agreed for me to come back at a certain time in the future, and I left.
He made a way.
Beyond my understanding.
I am learning to trust Him.
It was not the easy road to take. Leaving my psychiatrist of ten years was a risk. I had no idea if I could find a new one. I was scared nothing would work out. Scared of the unknown. Scared because of past experiences, and because I’d been taught only one person could take care of me.
Until I let God.
And He did.
The journey we are on is hard. I understand trusting is harder for us than for most, but it is worth it to trust the One who controls it all. God will provide.
I’m sure this is only one small leap in my journey to trust Him, but it was a major deposit in the account. What leap of trust is He asking you to make today? Will you take it?
Thank you for providing for me. Help me continue to trust in You and know that you want good for me and my life.
Trusting God can lead us to life’s blessings. Remember them in my new book Chocolate and Rainbows: Remembering Life’s Blessings.
You can also begin your own list of blessings by writing down one thing your grateful for each day.
© 2018 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.