Over the years I have kept many journals. Regular and some for prayer. I got rid of many of them about five years ago because I had a constant fear of someone finding and reading them. I tried to keep diaries and journals as a child and teenager and they were always read no matter where I hid them or locked them. I’m not sure why I kept trying.
So one day five years ago I shredded all of my notes and journals up until that year. I wish I had kept them. They told a lot about the beginning of my recovery. That can’t be undone, but I do have what was written since.
Today I was reading through a prayer journal I started well over a year ago and had stopped. I can be pretty inconsistent with prayer journals. I was using a devotional format someone shared with me that really helped me focus on what God wanted to speak into my life each day.
I feel God wants me to share these personal entries so you don’t feel so alone in your own journey. They are taken word for word from my personal prayer journal. May God bless you and speak to you as He did me.
“Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.” Psalm 16:1
God is inviting me to take refuge in Him and to rest in Him during my recovery. He is my strength and my comforter.
God, I need you as my refuge. Only You can be it for me. I cannot get through recovery without You. I need You and only You.
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16
In God’s care I’m never helpless in my troubles. He will always be there. He may not choose to rescue me from my troubles but to walk through them with me.
God is inviting me to ask Him to walk this road I’m on with Him not without Him.
God, This difficult road I’m on is more than I can bare many days. I ask for you to always be with me and walk with me, carry me, hold me. Thank you for carrying me through this far. I need you more than I even realize. Draw me out of the deep waters when you allow it and swim with me all other times. Thank you. Amen.
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