One of the emotions I feel often is abandonment. Does that sound familiar to you too? Depending on the circumstances of your sexual abuse or rape it can be an issue for us as we recover. Many of us were abused by those who were supposed to love and care for us. Yet they abandoned us and sought their own pleasure.
The feeling of abandonment can hit us at times when we least expect it. When it first started to affect me I didn’t understand what I was feeling. When my family turned against me, and then friends began leaving one by one, I had no idea I already had issues with abandonment. Their leaving made it magnified by 1000%.
It was not just a parting of ways as most people who have not had our experiences would see it, but it was them purposely hurting me by leaving me. I just knew they were doing everything to make me hurt as much as possible. Only that isn’t true. It’s the emotions and triggers of our trauma that bring about the intense feelings.
Just like today when my therapist informed me of his upcoming vacations. I always know they will be coming. He is a person with a life and family. Yet I depend on him and our sessions. When he leaves it feels like he is abandoning me and our work. However, sitting in his office today I recognized what I was feeling and called it out.
Abandonment linked to my abusers. Not my therapist, and the important realization that the One who matters most has absolutely never and will never abandon me or you. God.
God has always been with us and always will be with us. He is here right now as I’m writing this and you’re reading it. He is the one constant in our lives.
As it says in Hebrews; “because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?’ Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:5-8
Those verses are such a testament to who God is it leaves us with a feeling of hope instead of abandonment. He won’t leave or forsake us. He is our helper. The same yesterday, today and forever. Wow! God is always the same. Not one human being can lay claim to such perfection.
I understand it does not take away our emotions or the feelings of abandonment that rise up within us. Yet we must recognize when they do so we can heal those wounds from our trauma and depend on the One who won’t ever abandon us. The almighty, all powerful, loving God.
So when you reach a point like I did today when you are feeling abandoned call it out for what it is knowing one day it will all be worked through as you process your trauma. Then realize the only One who is always with us and will absolutely walk through every step of recovery is God.
Thank you God for always being with me and never abandoning me. Especially when I try to push You away. You persistence in pursuit of me shows more of Your love. Continue to remind me I’m not alone and You will get me through this difficult journey and life.
© 2019 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.