I could’ve cared less about going to my therapy appointment today. “Why bother?” Who cares if I get better? I’m tired of feeling like crap and of all this medication withdrawal, and not getting anywhere in therapy. Tired of all of it. Years gone. More to go and then what? So many worries about the future my head is going to spin off one of these days.
Then my therapist said, “Going to be gone Monday. Labor Day.” Okay, so now who really cares? Although I felt like not coming today, these appointments twice a week are huge for getting me through right now. I wanted to get up and walk out. Keep walking until I disappeared into nothing. Instead I just started crying. Pouring out everything I did on here and telling him it’s getting me nowhere. So he says to me, “What are you going to do about it?”
Hmm. Well, I thought. Good question. Seems like I was right where Satan wanted me to be. So I told him that. Then we called on God to do some kicking of Satan’s butt and get me back on track.
However, it’s not over. The enemy wants nothing better than to get us off track in recovery. Than for us not to get better. He knows just where to sneak in too. Sin. It’s his way into our lives. Only we don’t realize how sneaky he is.
We tend to think of sin as big issues. Murder. Stealing. The big 10 in the commandments. However, as it was pointed out to me today, we all sin so easily then Satan latches on. Like take the second commandment. To love your neighbors as yourself. Which means you must love yourself.
Do you love yourself? Or are you like me and you tear yourself down for what happened, placing the blame for where my life is or the mess of family on my shoulders and accepting guilt that isn’t mine. Not very loving of myself. Telling myself how ugly and unlovable I am and how I’m not worth anything.
Nope not loving. That’s self-hatred and just the foothold Satan will use to jump in and break us down even more. Start telling us, “Yes, you’re horrible, terrible, unlovable….” Until we believe it. But we CAN’T LISTEN TO HIM!
We have to fill our lives with the Truth of God’s Word so we know we are loveable and loved. Precious children of God.
Even turning to other things to satisfy our needs instead of God is a way for the enemy to grab hold of us. I do it constantly. Not as much with food anymore because of my diet restrictions, but I used to easily down a bag of powdered donuts and a large chocolate bar or anything sugar to try to ease my pain. Now it’s mainly TV or movies. Turn on the tube and numb out.
Add to it the lack of trusting God, which is also in itself a sin, and the enemy can dance circles around us. He was having a hay day with me this week. What we have to realize though is he can’t if we don’t let him! I know I’m going to sin. I know I’m going most likely once again tear myself down. Question my future, turn on the TV too much, and if I really want to I could find something to eat too much of. The thing I need to do is catch myself and repent and ask forgiveness turning from my sin toward God so the enemy has no ground to stand on in my life.
Which means I need to immerse myself more in God’s Word. Also, a struggle for me, but I am going to join a Bible study to help me. Though I’m starting today. (Psalm 27-join me.)
We are not on an easy road. Life itself is difficult and the recovery road on top of it makes things much more taxing. We just have to remember God will not leave us and we need to remember to turn to Him in everything we do. On the good, bad and ugly days alike. God is all powerful and He can kick Satan out. We just have to ask and He will do it.
Where are you allowing the enemy to get a foothold in your recovery today? Ask God to help you kick him out so you can get back to the business of healing your wounds.
Remember you are loved by a glorious God and you are never alone.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
If you’ve never read this book on Spiritual Warfare I highly recommend it. It will bring so many things to light about the spiritual battles we face. Spiritual Warfare: Christians, Demonization, and Deliverance by: Dr. Karl I. Payne
© 2019 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.