It’s the third of July and I have my ear plugs and noise canceling headphones on so the fireworks don’t make me more anxious. Yet, I’m still crying my anxiety is so bad.
It’s right now I truly realize we can’t rely on our feelings with God. I’ve been lying here in bed praying in between crazy irrational thoughts and I know what I “feel” is not truth.
When I’m this anxious everything is out of control. Scripture makes me feel like I’m the worst person in the world and that I’m going to hell even though I know I’ve already asked Jesus into my heart.
Reading a book about handling life on this Christian journey always brings some more anxiety. Nothing is safe. Even fiction where I can normally get lost makes my mind do crazy things.
It is times like right now when I know I cannot rely on what I’m feeling. I’m told I should feel joyful and happy and thankful as a Christian, but me? I feel frightened and scared to death.
Do you ever feel that way? With PTSD which is an anxiety disorder it can often be the case. Especially if you’re triggered by events, smells, or people that make you recall your trauma.
Fireworks are one for me. Hopefully one day they won’t be.
So right now I turn to Truth. To the tabs in my Bible where I’ve marked my “go to” verses.
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-38
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Our God is a God of comfort and I pray He can use me and my troubles to reach others in distress and comfort them.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. Right now He’s all powerful over my anxiety. No it doesn’t mean He’s taking it away, just as Paul had a thorn to remind him He needed God. Right now my anxiety is one of my reminders I need God. That I have no power of my own to get through this without Him. Though I still believe one day He will heal me as I process my trauma.
Which brings me to what I was repeating before I started writing.
“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
“Though Christ who gives me strength.” Not on my own accord.
So if we’re anxious, depressed, hopeless, even happy we can’t rely on our feelings. Feelings are not truth. It’s at these times we must truly focus on God because feelings can be dangerous. They can derail us especially as we try to heal and recover. Yes we will have them. Feelings are a part of life, but let’s recognize them and rely on the One who is the Rock. Our unchanging, ever present, loving, God.
This journey brings with it many feelings. Such as (insert your own). Please help me rely on You and Your truth and not what I feel. Provide me the strength to deal with these sometimes debilitating feelings.
© 2019 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.