God and Sexual Assault

How Do I Trust God?

One step at at time.

“He replied, ‘Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’” Matthew 17:20

I have many unmet needs. Years of abuse leaves you fulfilling the duty of meeting the needs yourself. Where do you find protection, security, safety, and love?

The answer is God. However, it’s not easily taken in. Once we’ve learned we cannot trust anyone else to meet our needs but ourselves, we don’t trust anyone to be faithful in fulfilling unmet needs.

While we should be able to depend on a mother, father, older sister, or brother to provide us with protection, security, safety, and love, it doesn’t always happen.

Devastated by the loss of these needs we attempt to find the comfort in ourselves and get used to trusting only in what we provide.

In all honesty, God is the only One who can provide us with these needs, and not fail us. The huge question is how do we allow Him to and how do we take it in?

One step at a time.

It will not happen overnight. It may not happen 5 or 10 years from now. But what we can do is start somewhere.

How do I trust GodWith a tiny mustard seed of belief that God will provide for us. Love us. Keep us safe. I can almost accept God will provide and love me more than keep me safe because where was He during the abuse and rapes growing up? My thought pattern is He didn’t protect me then so it can happen again.

I know now it was the free will of man that hurt me and that God despised it. There are consequences and pain for sin and we are enduring that from our abusers sin. But even though we think our abusers aren’t they are too.

God does not promise a trouble free life but He promises to be with us and that He has overcome it.

“‘I have told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’” John 16:33

So, no I’m not very into trusting beyond myself yet, I’m taking baby steps. God understands. One step at a time He’s growing my faith. One day, maybe not until Heaven, I believe I will be able to fully trust God with my life.

What is one small step you can take to trust God more today?

God,

I need my faith to grow in You. I desperately need protection, security, safety, and love. Continue to show me You’ll provide these for me. Grow my trust in You.

Amen

© 2019 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.

 

I am a former elementary school teacher and I am currently in the process of recovering from a childhood of sexual abuse and rape. I am pursuing God's will for my life right now which involves following various writing endeavors and working on some publishing. I feel God has led me to write this for my own healing, and to share with others who have been through the trauma of sexual assault.

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