I can imagine that you may struggle with some holidays. Whether it be Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Maybe it’s one I didn’t mention. It could be part of an anniversary of when you were assaulted or it could be that you aren’t connected to family and that makes them painful. Maybe it’s because you lost the chance to be a mother or father (like I did) because you have been recovery from trauma you endured.
I will not say I understand the pain you feel. I do understand pain, but I am not specifically in your shoes. Just as no one is in mine. It gets me riled up when people say, “I understand how you feel…” Really, you spent the past ten years fighting for your life and in recovery and in tremendous emotional and physical pain, when you should have been a wife and mother? Someone actually told me recently they “understood” my pain because they lost a husband.
I cannot tell you what that feels like as I’ve never been married. Just as she doesn’t know my pain. This weekend with Mother’s Day coming up brings all sorts of losses and feelings to me. No longer connected to my family, not having any of my own children, and the fact the world makes women feel they are nothing if they aren’t a mother. All of it adds to my pain.
If you’re reading this I know you have pain as well, and I am sorry you have to experience any pain. However, I do know that through my pain I have found God is with me and He DOES understand what I’m feeling better than even I do. He understands how you feel as well.
So, as we approach Mother’s Day this weekend I pray you make it through and if you have someone to celebrate that you are able to. I also pray if it brings you more pain that you can trust God to hold you through it. He is with us every day if we know Him.
Rest in knowing that today and in the days ahead as you encounter painful holidays.
This weekend is extra painful with Mother’s Day approaching. I don’t know when the pain of not having children (fill in your pain here) will go away. I know You can hold my pain better than anyone so I ask You to do that for me. Help me grieve the losses I need to and not let it get in my way of moving forward in recovery. Thank you for loving me beyond what I can imagine.
© 2020 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.