This journey is hard and it can be a struggle to get through day and night every single day sometimes. I am well aware the difficulties faced during recovery. I spent the first few years not wanting to believe what had happened to me. I was in denial and I dealt with things by self-harming, attempting suicide, or medicating every symptom I had.
It led me down darker roads and the journey became even harder. It wasn’t until I decided God wasn’t angry with me like human people on earth have been, but a loving God willing to help me through each day, that I stopped those things. I am still coming to understand His love, and I keep asking Him to show me.
However, I had to make a choice whether to allow Him to help me along the way. I was well aware that I wasn’t strong enough to get through this on my own, even with the help of professionals. My strength was so depleted I wanted to end it all because that is the only thing that seemed would end the pain.
Now, I know in asking God to walk with me and provide me the strength to get through is where I begin to find any joy. I am not a happy person a lot of the time because depression is real and hard, but a joy that God gives is a peace of knowing He is with you and will never leave.
I can’t honestly share about my journey and recovery from sexual assault without telling you about the God who loves you unconditionally and wants a relationship with you. He is waiting if you don’t know Him. Just ask for Him to make Himself real to you and I promise He will. Read the book of John in the Bible and learn about who Jesus is and why He came to die for you. For you to be able to spend eternity in heaven with Him.
We are not able to get better on our own. We don’t have the strength to do it, and it’s not weak to ask for God’s help. He can provide the strength we need when times are hard and days long. Join me today as we ask for His strength to continue to heal and get better.
I am weak and cannot do this journey without you. Provide me with the strength to face each day and help me continue to heal. May you use my circumstances to show your love and strength to others and encourage them as well. Thank you for loving me.
In Jesus name,
© 2020 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.