God and Sexual Assault

Learning to Trust God

God is patient.

Today I was praying about what to write and God laid this analogy on my heart. You see, today is Tuesday (and it’s February) and this past Saturday I adopted a new kitty. Her name is Mia. We had an hour drive home and she had already been through trauma.

She had to leave her home, be spayed, shaved and handled by strangers. When I put her in her room she walked around meowing and then hid behind my chest. She stayed there for two straight days away from me only coming to eat and poop when I was asleep.

During those two days I would go into the room throughout the day and talk to her. Just so she could hear my voice. Then, yesterday evening she began to cry out so I went to her. I sat down on the floor and called out to her where she was hiding. She would take a step toward me and then retreat, step forward, then back, again, and again.

Finally, she ventured forward enough to come to me and find that I was not mean or scary, but gentle. I began to pet her and talk to her letting her know she is loved. That is when she crawled into my lap realizing she wasn’t alone.

As I was thinking about this today I realized it is much like we are with God. After sexual assault we are not easily trusting. We are hesitant to let our guards down afraid of what will happen. We take a step forward and then back several times before we find it is safe to be with someone, and we do the same to God.

I can remember trying to hide away from God, not sure whether it was safe. Over the years I took a step forward and then several back. Finally, I would cry out to God wondering if He was still there for me. When I found He was, I was still hesitant to know if this relationship was one I could trust.

What I found out is absolutely God is trustworthy. Sometimes we make Him out to be this scary thing out there in the universe, when He is actually right here with us all along. Loving us unconditionally. Once I realized God is walking with me each and every day, and that He has my best in mind, that He wasn’t going to hurt me, my trust began to grow.

It doesn’t mean bad things won’t ever happen, because in a world led by evil that is just going to come our way. However, God does promise to be us through the hard times and trouble. Ultimately, He has overcome this world and all that is in it because He wins. So, if we know Him we will be with Him in heaven forever.

Learning to trust God is not something anyone can teach you, it is only through crying out to Him and learning to rely on what He has that we build up trust.

Learning what His voice sounds like. He is right there waiting with extreme patience. Trust feels good when you begin to gain it, after having lost it because of perpetrators.

As you continue in recovery I pray you begin to learn you can trust God, and just like my little Mia and I have realized, the joy that comes in doing so. Climb onto God’s lap today.

© 2020 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.

 

I am a former elementary school teacher and I am currently in the process of recovering from a childhood of sexual abuse and rape. I am pursuing God's will for my life right now which involves following various writing endeavors and working on some publishing. I feel God has led me to write this for my own healing, and to share with others who have been through the trauma of sexual assault.

0 comments on “Learning to Trust God

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: