Do you every have the feeling of being worthless? My guess is that you do. Any of us who have endured sexual trauma usually feel that way at some point. When it was happening and afterwards. We were used, so the feeling of being used makes you feel like you aren’t good for anything and worthless.
I had this feeling recently and was discussing it with my counselor in our session. The feeling of being worthless and not being enough. I am not enough, haven’t done enough in my life in comparison to others. My counselor pointed out this is a lie. Satan is filling our minds with the lie we are not enough.
So, what do we do when we feel like this? Well, first and foremost we must recognize the lie for what it is…straight from Satan. He wants us to feel we aren’t “good” enough for anything so we won’t pursue doing what God wants us to.
Second, recognizing there is grief along with it. Grief of what you endured and how it so drastically changed your life that you struggle to be ok with where you are. Maybe you missed out on marriage and kids, lost your job, or weren’t able to pursue the dreams you had for yourself.
Maybe you did have these things, but because of your trauma you were struggling just to make it through each day, so you didn’t get to enjoy good moments when they were there.
The awesome news for us is that God is a God of redemption.
Romans 3:23-24 says:
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Ephesians 1:7 says:
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”
I believe if God can redeem us from our own sin He can redeem our lives from the sin done against us as well. He is in the process each day of redeeming the sin and evil that was done to us and the losses associated with it.
If you’re not sure He is ask Him about it. Ask Him to show you where He is redeeming your life and how. I wasn’t sure God was redeeming my life for a long time. All I saw were the losses associated with my trauma. So much is lost, yet God can redeem it and use it.
One of my favorite verses is “And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
God can bring about good from evil and sin – that we have committed and that was committed against us. I fully understand if you don’t see it yet, but take your life before the Lord and ask Him to show you how He can redeem it. I promise He will because I am seeing it in my life.
I am not where I ever dreamed I would be in the year 2020. I will be 44 this month and in my mind I should be in my 22nd year teaching, celebrating close to 20 years of marriage and sending kids off to college soon.
Yet, God has provided some opportunities here and there to tutor young kiddos again. As well as during this COVID crazy year I have had the blessed opportunity to serve the community at my church food pantry several hours a week along-side some wonderful people I never would have met otherwise. They are all a blessing to me, as is serving and talking to the families coming through. If I was working a job now, I wouldn’t have that opportunity.
Yes, I still grieve, and I still some days cry because I wish I had someone to share life with at home in the day to day stuff. However, I then remind myself God is with me and is redeeming my life. Then I start to thank Him for the blessings.
You are not worthless and you are enough to God, who is the only One that matters. Through His son Jesus He provides us our one and only necessary identity. We are His children.
Hold onto that today and come before Him asking to see how and where He is redeeming your life. Stay healthy and safe and remember you are not alone.
Thank you for loving me. I come before you today and ask that You show me how You are redeeming my life each and every day. Help me as I grieve the many losses, but then bring me out of despair into what You now have for me in this life. Remind me I am always enough because I am Your child. Redeem my life Father and may You receive glory from it.
In Jesus Name,
© 2020 Susan M. Clabaugh