Recently I’ve been considering what it’s going to look like to start working again, and as I started to think, I became obsessed with getting back to work. I started pushing myself beyond what I could handle, setting expectations that aren’t realistic, all because I had the voice in my head that said, “You are not worth anything if you’re not working a job.”
It took me a while to realize that Satan was putting lies into my head once again. Because God had just reminded me a few days before that my identity is only found in Him (God). Yet, for some reason it seemed easier to listen to the lie then it did to the truth.
As I was thinking about this today, I listened to a devotional by Christy Wright. She was doing a Facebook live, about her new 40 day devotional (Living True: 40 Days to Get Back to You) and she started by talking about Day One. As she was talking, she began to tell a story about the garden of Eden.
The Lord had commanded Adam and Eve, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” Genesis 2:16-17
While in the garden, Eve was talking to the serpent, and this is the conversation they had.
“Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
‘You will not certainly die,’ the serpent said to the woman. ‘For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’” Genesis 3:3-5
As Christy pointed out today, Satan snuck a lie in there. He twisted the truth by making Eve confused and believe that she was told not to even touch the fruit. This led to the part most everyone knows well. Eve took the fruit and when she held it nothing happened. So, she then took a bite and so did Adam, and then their eyes were opened, and sin entered the world.
It all started with what we all would say is a tiny lie. Yet, this confusion that Satan still uses on us today creeps into our minds day in and day out.
I was so thankful for Christy and her words today, sharing this story, because it reminded me that Satan has been trying to remind me that I’m nothing without a “job” as defined by the world.
I also used to define myself only by the trauma I’ve been through – I was a victim, then a survivor. Although, true, neither is the Truth.
We are each only defined by who we are in Christ. Knowing He’s my Savior and God is my Father, is my true and only identity that matters. All things on this earth will pass away, but what is eternal will remain forever.
I am slowly pursuing some training to get back to teaching kiddos, but I’m also still on this very long healing journey to recover from sexual trauma. As you know, trauma doesn’t heal overnight or even in a few short years. Extensive trauma takes many years and lots of hard work to heal.
Knowing that, I had a conversation with my counselor today about what I feel God is leading me to do. I said, “I feel like God still wants me to share my story by writing, while beginning some training and working part-time, but then I don’t have time for volunteering at the church food pantry as often.”
I love serving at the pantry. The friends I’ve made are my family and I love them and each person that comes through the line to be served.
He encouraged me to pray about what my days will begin to look like going forward, but to also ease up on myself. I started pushing and pushing and even those without trauma weighing them down can’t go 90 miles an hour everyday and not crash, so I knew I was headed for disaster. Yet, doing more makes you feel important sometimes right?
I had to call out this lie from Satan once again. I am not who I am because of anything I do or don’t do. None of us are, yet we will most likely have to call out this lie many more times in our lifetimes. The Truth is we have power in Jesus’ name. We can call out Satan in Jesus name and he will leave.
I’m thankful my identity is in Christ. I would be incredibly lost without Him and His saving grace. Also, I’m thankful for those God uses to teach me His truths – like friends, my counselor, and today the words He shared through Christy Wright.
I wish you all many blessings my friends! Call out Satan’s lies! Stay strong on this journey of healing and remember if you know Jesus as Savior, you are a child of the most High King!
© 2021 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.