God and Sexual Assault

When God’s Timeline is Not Yours

Redemption of time.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

Do you ever want a do over? Of a certain event, day or even years? Or wish things hadn’t happened? I know that I do. I’m not sure there’s anyone out there in the world that doesn’t.

I want to reclaim the years lost to abuse. There are also times I was not living life because I was so depressed and anxious, I didn’t care if I lived. There are huge chunks of years I don’t remember from 2008 to 2019 because I was in such a medication fog from the Klonopin my doctor prescribed for anxiety. I want a do over on all of it.

There are days now I ask God to please redeem that time. The time lost to abuse, to depression, and meds, suicide attempts, and medications. Even now, when I have a day where I feel I wasted it I go to God and ask Him to redeem it.

You know what I have discovered? He will. He is faithful to redeem all things. He is not a vengeful God who wants to punish you. He truly wants what is best for you. As I discussed last week, Father does know best, even when we don’t agree or it hurts at the moment.

The thing about true love is it’s not easy. It’s hard and messy, but so worth it in the end. It’s like that with earthly relationships, but with God as well. Love doesn’t always feel good. Doing what’s best for you or someone else is not always going to be easy and feel the best.

As I have prayed about God’s direction for my life the past couple of years, and God led me to pursue some additional training that will eventually lead back to full time work, I started planning. (Notice I started planning.) Then, God would remind me it was His timeline and not mine.

So, I’d step back and let Him have control again for awhile and then I’d push myself again because in my head all of this needs to happened as I planned. God is so gentle in His reminders to me. Yesterday (today is May 14), it was in my body. I ached and hurt and my head hurt so bad I couldn’t do anything. (Just my fibromyalgia and sinuses – not COVID.) It forced me to take care of myself so that today I can write what He’s laid on my heart.

However, I am behind on my timeline. I should be working with kiddos by June and go full time the beginning of next year. God then reminded me that life is a marathon and not a sprint. I am still in recovery and need to take care of myself or I won’t be any help to kiddos. Plus, if we start to look at the future too much, we tend to see it without God and that brings huge anxiety.

The thing is, God is in the future. He’s here now, and He’s there as well. It’s when we start trying to go throughout our days without Him, we get fearful, anxious, and scared that we must reach a certain point or else. Don’t get me wrong, goals are good to have, but goals need grace.

Especially as a trauma survivor you need grace. Grace to feel your feelings, process your trauma, and live life along the way.

God can redeem the time you lost – no matter what you lost it to. Take it to Him today and ask Him to also remind you to provide yourself grace along the way as you seek His timeline for Your life.

“Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

Father God,

Many are my plans, but may it be Your purpose that prevails. Redeem all of my life. The past, present and future. Make me the person you created me to be, and use me to reach others for You and Your glory.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

© 2021 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.

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