You may struggle with whether people care or not. I was in that spot for almost a decade. It’s hard to think that people care when you have endured evil and abusive people. You begin to think that everyone has a hidden agenda. Do you ever feel this way?
If you do, I encourage you to take heart because I promise not everyone is out to get you. In fact, there are many people that truly want what is best for you. That can be hard to believe just in the fact that we live in a “selfie” society. However, as a survivor you struggle with it even more.
I can remember there were times I would need someone to talk to. There were times I needed a hug or someone to sit with me. When there wasn’t anyone, I assumed no one cared and that I wasn’t wanted here on earth.
Those are both lies. What was truly going on was that I was isolating myself. Mix with that the wonderful friends I had who just didn’t understand what I needed and how to help me.
I can’t blame them, as that’s why counselors are trained to walk with you. I also didn’t know how to share what I needed. Partly because I struggled with communication, but also because I didn’t want to be rejected or hurt.
What if they don’t want to help me? What if they yell at me? What if they hurt me too? (Even if it was just emotional hurt, I knew I couldn’t deal with it.)
I made the choice to do what many trauma survivors do. I isolated and pulled out of being with anyone. I did my best to not be known. If I wasn’t known, I wouldn’t be rejected.
This only developed a spiral that led me down even darker paths until I couldn’t have cared less if I was on earth anymore. It also led me to believe that not one person would miss me if I was gone.
I remember my counselor asked me one time when I was suicidal if I wanted to meet God face to face for the first time after I took the life He gave me.
Honestly, I didn’t really care at the moment because the hurt was so deep, but as I thought about it in the weeks that followed that conversation, I realized that was not how I wanted to encounter God.
I prayed for years for healing from anxiety and depression and for God to lead me to people that care and would be my community of friends. It didn’t happen overnight, or even in a couple years. However, it did happen, and it took a process of many things.
I had to keep praying and seeking God and following where He led even when it was hard or didn’t make sense.
I had to put myself out there to meet people and begin to open up and interact with them.
I had to risk the hurt to get the blessing of love and care.
I had to realize that everyone I encountered was not out to get me or evil.
I had to be willing to share my story.
I had to start processing my trauma.
I had to allow myself to see the glass as half full instead of half empty.
I had to provide grace to everyone else because they are human as well. There are reasons someone may not reach out to you or help you, and it may have nothing to do with you, but what they are dealing with in life.
Where are you at today? Are you struggling to believe that anyone cares? Are you struggling to be out in the world? I want you to know I SEE you. I understand. I care. So does God, and He wants to walk you into what He has for you in this life.
It won’t happen overnight, and the journey can be long, but it is worth it, and it is a blessing. If you’re not seeing this yet, hang in there and remember that today does not define you and neither does your trauma.
Reach out to one person this week and then next week reach out to two. Do this until you begin to develop a community of people in your life.
Stay strong and call on God’s strength. Remember you are loved, and you are worth getting better.
© 2021 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.