“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” Psalm 25:4-5
Let’s take a trip down memory lane to see how God is faithful in recovery.
September 2019, I signed up for BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) at my church. It is Bible study for women of all ages and from all denominations.
I went to the first meeting thinking that it would be somewhat okay even though my anxiety was still super high at the moment. (I was still going off Klonopin which had me in severe withdrawal and heightened anxiety.)
The first meeting was rough, and I didn’t know what to say or how to act. The women all were mothers and some even brought their babies. My heart hurt just sitting there. I went back the next week and I just could not take it.
I watched these moms talking about their kids, holding babies, and I left the room and sat on the stairs and cried hard gut-wrenching tears over my losses. I never went back to the Bible study after that, however I stayed in touch for a few weeks with my leader.
Her daughter was struggling with reading and had a recent dyslexia diagnosis, and I was sharing how IEP and the school testing worked.
I asked her who she was referred to for outside help and she gave me a lady’s name and number. I held onto that number and in January of 2020 I called this lady for help with a girl I was tutoring.
This lady gave me a wealth of knowledge and mentioned that if I was ever interested in working with students that had dyslexia, she could help me navigate. (At the time I thought, I’ll never be able to do anything like what you are doing.)
Well, we all know that 2020 was a bit “crazy”, but I worked at my church food pantry several days and hours each week as we were serving more families than ever. I ended up taking names (still don’t remember how that happened) and talking to those coming though.
All of that helped me get out of my shell, and with the skills I had learned in counseling I began to lessen my anxiety as I worked through some trauma.
I felt like my stamina had increased and I became more confident in my ability to possibly work again. I knew it needed to be something that I could do around my counseling appointments since I have lots of work there to do still.
In January 2021 (this year) I contacted the lady that worked with students that have dyslexia again and we had some great conversations about what that would look like for me to do what she does.
I began a training program to become an Orton Gillingham practitioner and life just kind of took off.
Now I have a business up and running and am taking on kiddos as I teach reading to students with dyslexia. I’m not full time yet, but it is coming very soon!
I prayed about it all along -even way back in September 2019 and am continually amazed at where God has me now. All of this is because I went to BSF (where I was uncomfortable, anxious, depressed and not wanting to be there) and I did what I felt God wanted at the time.
Yet, I thought in September of 2019 I had failed because I wasn’t able to stay and do the Bible study.
Nope, I did just what God had in mind. He knew in time what would happen and where He was taking me.
His ways are not our ways, and I am so thankful for that!! How He uses our circumstances is not always how we would – but that is why He is God!
So, this week (September 10, 2021) I am thankful that 2 years ago I followed God out of my comfort zone even though it didn’t make sense and it scared and hurt me emotionally at the time. God was faithful.
Healing is possible friends, and your journey may look different than you imagine, but trust that God will not lead you astray.
It brought me back to the verses in Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.”
Help me do this today and in the days to come.
In Jesus Name
© 2021 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.