As trauma survivors we tend to think we need to be accepted by others – to have their love we must do – to be able to have their presence, acceptance, and love, we must look, feel, be a certain way.
I cringe every time I see a picture of someone trying to be something to gain love and attention. I have done this too – our society tells us that we need to be approved by others. When I was 40 (almost 5 years ago) I had pictures taken and I loved how everyone said how great I looked.
Guess what? I was not healthy, and I was still in deep dark depression and anxious all the time. I was not living the life God intended. A snapshot of a moment can be deceiving. The outside did not show what was on the inside emotionally or physically, and certainly not spiritually. I was underweight at 107 and I was only like that because I starved myself.
I wasn’t getting needed nutrients and I “looked” ok on the outside and according to the word’s standards but not God’s I was not treating the body God gave me well. God formed my inward parts – and yours (Psalm 139:13) He knew my thoughts -all of them – how dark they were.
What I came to discover over years of processing trauma and praying for God to reveal Himself, is the love and acceptance I searched for by posting a picture was there all along – and it had nothing to do with how I looked. God searched me and knew me and yet loved me unconditionally.
He understood where I was and knew where He wanted to take me. We cannot go anywhere from God. He is all knowing and all seeing. He is omnipresent (present everywhere). If we know God and love Him (even if we don’t understand how to love) we can never escape His presence.
No matter where we go, or what we do God is there. Always. He has always accepted us and loved us. You, me, and everyone. He hurts when we try to fill the need for unconditional love and acceptance only He can provide, with others instead of with Him.
I prayed often – for years – to understand this love I am only beginning to finally get, but it is amazing and something I will never fully comprehend until I see Him face to face.
Nothing we do, say, how we look – none of it can earn or take away God’s love. It’s always there. I encourage you to ask Him to show you and He will. Little by little, step by step He will begin to fill those empty and lonely places we search for in this imperfect world to try to heal. Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, Tik-tok, all the “likes” in the world will never fill you.
No person or thing on this sinful earth will. As a trauma survivor the need for unconditional love and acceptance can be stronger than most, so we seek all kinds of ways to fill it. Only God can do that for you my beautiful, sweet friend! And yes, God created you, and sees you as beautiful – grey hair, no make-up, love handles – 400 or 100 lbs.
None of it matters to Him – though He longs for you to be able to be fully who He created and that includes emotional, physical, and spiritually healthy. However, it does not determine His love for you.
Trust in that today and seek His face and His heart. Let it fill yours and I promise you will be fuller than ever before. Let me lead you in a prayer I prayed for years, and my prayer would be that God will begin to reveal to you His amazing love as you pray this today.
Show me your love and acceptance. Let me know it’s unconditional and I cannot earn it, but it’s free and always there. Help me heal emotionally, physically, and spiritually using means you know are best for me. Guide me to people who seek You to help me do this.
Thank you for loving me even if I don’t “feel” it. “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24
In Jesus Name,
© 2021 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.