Do you ever just want to scream at people and tell them if you only knew the truth? If you only knew what I’ve been through? If you only knew who “they” really are? If you only…
I had this encounter the other day with someone who knows my abusers, and does not know the truth about them, and he told me they had dinner together.
As he was talking my mind was going… “If you only knew.” Then my mind began to go toward wishing for vengeance against my abusers.
I don’t want them to experience the grace that I get from God and I don’t want them to experience the love that I get from God. However, as I thought about this, I realized that it’s not about me and it’s not about whether they deserve it.
Because I don’t deserve God’s grace and mercy and love because my life has not been perfect. I am a sinner saved by grace and grace alone. Granted it is my abuser’s choice whether to follow God and obviously they weren’t when they abused me, but it’s not my job to punish them or to try to get revenge.
God clearly tells us that vengeance is His and He also tells us and Matthew that it’s better to hang a millstone around the neck then to harm one of these children. So, when I think about what I went through growing up, I find comfort in these verses and that we serve a just God.
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” Romans 12:19
“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” Matthew 18:6
So, this morning (December 17) as I thought about this, I realize that I need to take it to God and not allow it to derail me as it has in the past. When I focus on what I see as “fair“ and “just“ I’m not focusing on where God is taking me, and I’m only responsible for me. I can’t make other people’s decisions for them.
Plus, if I constantly focus on people needing to know the tragedy in my life and what I “feel” they “should” know, then I’m not focusing on moving forward with what God has for me. Which is healing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, sharing our story is important, but staying there because you want to harm the people who hurt you – or because of you think that if people only knew the truth that would change things, is not helpful.
The fact is it’s not going to change what you’ve been through, but it can derail you from where God‘s taking you as he heals you from the pain and trauma.
I encourage you to come before God today ask him to remind you that vengeance is His and help you as you work towards forgiveness of those who hurt you. (I get it as I’m still working on the forgiveness part too.)
He understands that will not happen overnight and that it’s a process, but He wants you to have that freedom forgiveness brings so that you’re not stuck.
Satan wants you to be stuck, but God wants you to be free. That’s my prayer for you today, and as you come before God remember He knows and He is the one that can comfort you. So, take comfort in that my friends.
© 2021 Susan M. Clabaugh. All Rights Reserved.